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December 30, 2006
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Woman, you said you wouldn't
leave the world behind. All the pieces,
you had all the pieces in a line and you were measuring
and drawing routes, bus trips back to where
you think things start. This suitcase
on the stoop, then, mustn't be yours.


Woman, you said you'd got a ticket out
and a ticket out for me, that we'd both be
over the moon by now. But you live limpid
in the city lights and I live the same nights
and between us, we can't weave enough of a day.


There is no fading, love, and no saving.
This white-on-white hospital light
you've brought outside with you
is all of your strength. You show up against
grey skies, you ghost in lamplight,
you love your children unborn. They are
dreams, as you're a dream, as is the hand
warming your palm. There is no hand, woman,
warming your palm, you've left it behind, named
for a dream dissolve. So no one is saviour, or victor, or love.


There is just us alone. Why remove us
from the road? Why remove us to jasmine
and this melancholy star? Woman, you promised
we'd have the legs to go far.
For P.O.E.M.S

VICTOR!

I'm so not going in order, but it's as the whatsit strikes, y'know? I've written two Charlie poems and they both suck rancid petunias.

Edit: jan 21, 07
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Daily Deviation

Given 2007-07-20
Broken promises wrapped in stunning, powerful imagery: To Go Far by ~manchaliaina demands that you live the experience. ( Suggested by LineCount and Featured by GunShyMartyr )
:iconpunchdrunklover:
PunchDrunkLover Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2007
this is really good.
i love the framing and the last line just makes me feel.
great job.
Reply
:iconzephyrchaser:
zephyrchaser Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007   Writer
I've tried to post this darn comment three times today! I'll try again.

I KNEW I recognized that lit tag! I'm so glad one of yours got a DD; I was pondering going through your gallery and trying to pick just one to suggest. (My heart still belongs to "Rhododendron Girl," though.)

The pick is well-merited; don't change a thing. :)
Reply
:iconfetalcryogenics:
fetalcryogenics Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007
Very nice. It's so melancholy.
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:iconapgar2:
apgar2 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007
I love it. A strange rhythm that somehow works and slant rhymes that make this poem a lot like a song. =)
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:iconmary-yasha:
mary-yasha Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007
=) great work, it totally deserves a DD. Well done. I'd love to critique, but I'm not exactly...
Well, I just don't want to give you stupid advise, because I don't have very much at all >.<
Well done, this is a really great peice.
Reply
:icondharmaraventophcohen:
Very good. I've only dabbled slightly in poetry, but I like your style and how there doesn't seem to be a set order to it. In my opinion that is the way poetry should be.
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:iconzephyrchaser:
zephyrchaser Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007   Writer
I KNEW I recognized that lit tag! I'm so glad you got a DD; I was pondering going through your gallery myself and trying to pick just one poem to suggest. ("Rhododendron Girl" is still first in my heart, though.)

I love your style, and I'm glad it's being put out for other people to love.

Sorry if you get a double-post... my finger slipped and hit "Send" too soon but nothing seems to've gone through.
Reply
:iconzephyrchaser:
zephyrchaser Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007   Writer
I KNEW I recognized that lit tag! I'm so thrilled you got a DD; I was pondering going through your gallery myself and trying to pick
Reply
:iconaibari:
Aibari Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007   Writer
o.0
No words.
Really, there are no words for this. It's just so ... amazingly well written. Thank you. ^^
Reply
:iconskellington13rose:
Skellington13Rose Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2007
Beautiful imagery on this. The words flow like a river and I love it. ^^
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